Saturday, April 01, 2006

"What Would You Attempt If You Knew You Would Not Fail"

There's a brand spankin' new Blogger site called Sunday Scribblings that my wife Laini and her bloggy-friend Meg recently started. Basically, it's a place where anyone who so chooses can participate in writing about the topic of the week (which they "assign") -- pretty cool, neh?! The current (first!!) topic is "What Would You Attempt If You Knew You Would Not Fail." Well, I've interpreted it as if the "Knew You Would Not Fail" part was quite literal and all-encompassing, so, here it goes:

Knowing he would not -- nay, could not -- fail, Chemistry/Baking double-major grad student Studebaker Shoebox set out to invent that which would bring the world to its next phase. This invention would cause what mankind had only half-heartedly considered, that which the greatest minds of the past and present could only dream of: pizza topping that would immediately, upon creation, bring about world peace.

With ingredients in hand and mixing bowl at the ready, he plunged in, whirring and mixing, stirring and frothing, until at last, before him oozed his miracle.

Suddenly, magically, men worldwide laid down their guns.

Knives were sheathed, tanks were clicked off.

Over the coming weeks war ships became party cruise liners, missiles were disarmed and became makeshift toboggans.

When people had a disagreement, they felt compelled to have a dance-off to settle their problems.

Studebaker Shoebox was ecstatic! At last, mankind knew true happiness.

Two days later the aliens invaded and mankind, ironically, was used as alien pizza topping, THE END.


GoGo said...

Very fun. "...became makeshift toboggans." Oh the imagery in my head from that. :O). The irony of it all, if it were as simple as a recipe. But I still believe, somewhere deep down, it is.

chest of drawers said...

2 good ays are better than years of bad ones.

doc-t said...

this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the perfect miss america answer. and i was only thinking about my selfish self.




This is good.

So, you're a chem major eh? Been there. Done that. Good luck!

Cate said...

Hahaha. Love the twist in the end.

The food in the pot in the photo looks like some sort of Superhero chow (I liken the color to kryptonite, but that substance was dangerous, no?). Guacamole? It looks scrumptious. I'm off to the grocery store to buy some avocados!

P.S. Your wife (and I don't need to tell you this, but I can't stop myself) is amazing. Is there ANYTHING she can't do?? Before grocery store, I'm dashing off an email to her--saw her magazine cover at Borders last night. WOWWWW!

Laini Taylor said...

Hee hee hee - this is so fun! I love your silly side and I'm so glad you participated in scribbling. I've been reading the more serious comments, and then reading yours gives me a big laugh. Love you sweetie!

Jim Di Bartolo said...

Thanks "GoGo" and "Chest of Drawers" :)

"Doc-T," only my protagonist (Studebaker Shoebox) is a Chemistry/Baking double major. I was a double-major grad student myself though: Sandcastle Architecture and Spelling -- I've gone far.

"Cate" - yeah, Laini's pretty amazing (and I'm VERY grateful! :) But speaking of kryptonite, Laini's kryptonite is math. Thankfully when she fights crime no one has figured out that all they need to do is whip out an Algebra workbook and she'd feel dazed and weakened (don't tell any of her enemies this though, okay?!)

Thanks for stopping in! Ciao! :)

HoBess said...

Somehow when I read that someone would invent a pizza topping to create world peace I just KNEW IT WAS YOU!

Now, where's that piece that shows humans as alien pizza topping? I think this whole thing would make a great book, with just the right amount of gore!

megg said...

hello there! It is very nice to come here and read your blog. (I apologize - I know I've been taking up an awful lot of Laini's time lately!)

I loved this. It made me laugh, but I have to ask - what exactly is in the bowl in the picture?!?!

Jim Di Bartolo said...

Hey "Hobess" -- wow, cool that you thought it was probably me with the world peace pizza topping! :) Good job! :) I like your idea for a book about this, but alas, I don't think that'll happen any time soon :)

And "Megg" thanks for popping by! I don't mind "Sunday Scribblings" and such taking up Laini's time, it keeps her out of trouble :) Oh, and as to what's in the bowl, well, it's Soylent Green of course! :) MMMmmmm!


M said...

Love this!!What a brilliant idea! I'm totally in for any help you need in mass producing it. I'll mix till my arm falls off if it means the world will have international dance-off disputes! What a site that would be.

Phil Thomas said...

Jim, I blame you for my sudden craving for pizza. God bless you good man. Nicely done ;)

Caroline said...

I hope the aliens get really bad indigestion!

Jennifer said...

thanks for the laugh!

Earth Monkey said...

hey good one! all i ask is was it vegan? and what happened to the pizza? was it thick or thin crust? and did it include mushrooms? So no one ever really ATE the pizza? not even the ninja turtles? I am now craving pizza... ahem, with green toppings!